i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
