ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize