The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
