my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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