This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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