I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
