i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
