Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
