Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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