hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
