why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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