i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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