i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
