it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
