I'm really into asian looking animals
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
