So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
