just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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