I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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