I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
