You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize