Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
