3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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