6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online