You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable