Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD