if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
