I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
