I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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