I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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