Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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