what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
