omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
