why im i the only drunk person in the library?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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