apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
