FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
