I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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