You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
