Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
