I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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