so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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