i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
