Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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