He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
