Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
