Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
