non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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