I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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