so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
