We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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