Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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