I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
