I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
