Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
