the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
