the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize