I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
