The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
