with your own penis?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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