I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
