like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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