out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
