Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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