What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
