This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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