i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
