why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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