I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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