I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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