My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
