What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She needs sedatives and a leash
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
