all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
