I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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